Sunday, February 28, 2010

Things happen for a reason.

As I was watching Twilight again this weekend, a certain scene reminded me of an ex-boyfriend, who had an odd infatuation with girls in ponytails. He loved it when I would wear my hair up in a ponytail. He liked to lightly tug on it. Nothing naughty. (I was only seventeen after all) Often when I wear my hair up, I think of either my ex or this scene in twilight.

That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen...

For some reason I never put the two together. I never thought about the two at the same time. This boyfriend was ordinary; a thin and blond. He liked to think he resembled the lead singer from Lifehouse. This of course was when the band came out and "Hanging by a moment" made my little teen heart swoon.

Same hair do...about it...

He worked as a prep cook at a local seafood restaurant and because of this always smelled slightly like fried cod. He was a high school dropout who swore his eternal devotion to me. I found out years later he cheated several times, of course by then I wasn't too upset about it. What did I expect, right? He was friends with a lot of my friends, including the Mr. who lived next door to him. Years later R told me that he and all their friend always wondered why I settled for that guy.

Really there wasn't anything that exciting about my relationship with B. It was short and much like Deana Carter; the fields have grown over now... (Oh, how poetic am I) I honestly don't know why I dated him for so long and this is my hypothesis. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason. I feel that my relationship with B happened so I could learn the following things.

1. To realize that no matter how hard you scrub the smell of fish does not get out of your clothes.

2. Sweater vests will never look good on a man.

3. Guys do not appreciate having the song "Creep" put on a mixed CD for them.

The biggest thing that came from my dating B was months after breaking up I asked the Mr. to prom. I never would have talked to him in the first place had it not been for B. As neighbors I spent a lot of time standing there looking stupid as the guys talked about carburetors and pistons. Once I broke things off with B, I kept in contact with Mr., we ran in the same circles and months later we found ourselves dating. I was hesitant to date R; I didn't want a repeat of my previous relationship. Of course I couldn't have been more wrong. Everything that was wrong with my previous relationship the Mr. made it right. And best of all he doesn't resemble the lead singer of a Christian rock band.

As I peruse the internet

I should be working on my story now. I have the time, my hair is literally in curlers (I feel very Bloggess esque.) and I am wearing an oversized bathrobe. On a Friday night. The Mr. is taking a nap, because that's what we do, we nap.

But I digress. I should be working on my story but instead I was looking at funny pictures on the internet and  was stalking people on twitter...when this little gem came up....

Now, I am no fashionista, but that prom dress is rocking it. Much more so than that sad excuse for the TJ Maxx 39.95 special they got for the movie.

I'll take good care of her...because I'm certainly not doing her in that dress...

I kid I kid, sort of. I guess I can't talk; I too am guilty of a fashion faux pas or two. My prom dress made me look like Barbara Eden. Or Christina Aguilera. Whichever.

(A friend actually wrote that I was 'a genie in a bottle at prom')

No what bothers me is that so far in this series they haven't lived up to my costuming dreams. Where is crazy Alice shoving Bella into wild couture?

that’s more like it.

And don't even get me started on the Alice in Wonderland get ups from the vision...Ugh.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Vitamin R

Around these parts Rainer Beer has a huge cult following. Cheap dregs! Oh no. It is the official beer of Twilight, in the summers people make giant sand sculptures in its likeness. There is a community near me that reveres it like holy water.

So Here you go!

Chug a chug a

My very sweet and hilarious friend The Train (Which the name sounds far dirtier than it really is)  just started a blog. I wanted to plug her because lets face it. She's awesome! She is also the only one who comments. I really need to figure out how to get more followers. Maybe I'll pay some one. Yeah....a nickel for every follower. That'll do it! Any who, Hers to you Train. I heart you. Even when you try to have me make sexy face and it looks like I'm a having a seizure. Plus she sips Jager. Sips, not shoots. Because she is a bad ass bitch.

Bedazzling debacle

Because I am the most selfless person there has ever been, I have offered to journey the two hours, to go to Forks to purchase Twilight related items for a Twilight basket for the pageant. A regular olds saints I know.

Only for the sake of the program shall I endure this...

So on valentines day weekend R and I stayed up in Kalaloch to spend a little quality time together. Of course it was romantic and sweet and WE DROVE THROUGH FORKS!  So on the way there I had the following conversation with my husband.

R- So are you going to make me go to the twilight store.

Me-You don't have to come in, You can just wait in the car.

R-No I'll come in to....Whats it called Bedazzled by twilight.

Me-Dazzled, it's dazzled by Twilight.

R-Yeah, Bedazzled, like i said.

Me-Edward Cullen does bedazzle, Bedazzling is dumb,

R- So is Twilight

Jerk. Like he was implying that Edward Cullen looked like some Douche dressed like Andrew Dice Clay.


An accusation that I find very insulting. Of course There is no way the perfection that is Edward Cullen or more importantly Rob would be, well, bedazzled.

Dazzled on the other hand....

When I was planning my wedding i frequented a forum on the Knot called Not Engaged Yet. Why there is even a forum for such a topic I'm not sure, but I assure you that the majority of the women on that frequented the site were married and bitchy. While it was fun to watch them get in arguments over what was tackier; heart shaped diamonds or regisrty cards in invitaions. Seriously. And they would torture any girl who would cluelessly wander in looking for advice on how to make her boyfriend propose. The thing that remains with me the most was that they talked  about bedazzling the vay jay jay. Yep, the Vay Jay Jay. The elusive ya.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Jessica is a bad bitch. (and not the good kind)

Jessica Stanley is guiltier as Lauren Mallory. While Lauren is the obvious bitch in the story, it is apparent that she is insecure and shallow. Jessica is more unassuming. While she does not throw the barbs, she does nothing to stop them from striking. I feel for Jessica, because I was once Jessica. Easily swayed and foolish.

This is serious post. Just a forewarning. When I was in junior high I became friends with a really great girl, J. To this day she is probably the sweetest girl I have ever met. She was funny and nice as could be. She did however have Cerebral Palsy. Not bad enough to inhibit her walking but bad enough that it was quite noticeable. For this reason she was a bit unpopular. At the time it didn't matter because I was too. We spent a lot of time together and I even joined drill team because she did it. Of course like a lot of friendships that occur at this time, something happened. High School to be precise. At some point during my sophomore year in high school I began to make new friends. Started dating boys, going to parties. Suddenly I didn't have time for my friend that i would watch Sailor Moon with. It was never an intentional thing, it just happened. I was fifteen, sitting in the hot tub drinking stolen mikes hard lemonades with some new friends. At some point a friend made a rude comment about J. In that moment I could have corrected her, shamed her for saying things about the sweetest girl I had ever known. But I didn't. Instead I chuckled half heartedly and took a big pull off my drink. This moment was a defining one for me. After that I was in the in crowd, or at least on the outskirts. I had a new group of friends; prettier and intimidating. How could my friendship with J last? Although we went to the same small high school and graduated at the same time. After that party I don't think I spoke more than five word to her. The consequences of me standing by still haunt me. I don't think my friendship mattered enough to J to hurt her when it was gone. But knowing that I had basically abandoned a quality friend in lieu of shinier models, it bothers me to this day. When I look back on those days, I feel just as responsible for any pain she suffered, than if I had said those words myself. Sometimes standing by while some one is being hurt leaves you just as culpable.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Grammar Phonic electronic disco baby

Exactly what I would do. I'm a snatch like that.

At work I am well know as being that twat who goes around correcting grammatical mistakes. Like a ninja, I sneak around and change there to they're. I correct alot to a lot. It is a well known fact, I try to hold my tongue but I can't handle it when mistakes like these are being made. Plus we're teachers. We are in charge of the future of America and some of us don't know the difference between your and you're. That being said I can't for the life of me, spell weird right. (or is it wierd...I should only say odd from now on.) or spell separate. FYI when I went to spellcheck this Word wanted Separate to be Penetrate. Awesome.

I have a story published on Twilighted. It's called Runaway (Pimp out). I have had some issues as of late regarding getting it published because apparently i suck at punctuation. While most constructive criticism I take well, this was hard to deal with. Me? I have never made a punctuation mistake. (I realize how many there are in this post alone.) I'm the girl who actually got a "get out of jail free" card in English because I corrected something SHE wrote. True story. So I have trouble digesting the idea that my story needs work because of punctuation. Luckily my beta is fabulous and basically has been whispering sweet nothings to me for the past few days so that I don't throw my lap top off a bridge.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Heroin Chic

I am a preschool teacher. On average we are a tame bunch. All cute and sing songy. A few years ago, I worked with a really sweet girl who married young and had two small boys. At some point of her marriage she decided that she didn't actually want that kind of life. So she did the only logical thing there is to do in that situation. She went absolutely insane. We aren't talking about quirky cute crazy. No, she went Britney Spears on us. She left her husband and two boys, began to come to work in a pink wig.
Sure, you can trust me with your children.

When this occured, my friends and I tried to figure out what her deal was. Was she simply a case of a girl who married too young? Or perhaps she was on something. That got me thinking. You never hear about some one on heroin anymore. What ever happened to the grandeur of heroin chic?
Oh, yeah. That was a good look...

Instead we have the ugliness of other drugs. Instead of Kate Moss we get Amy Winehouse.

After time has passed I can say with all certainty that she was indeed on something. High on life, I think not. Especially when she started working at a bar wearing a school girl costume and shamrock pasties. A look that I not matter how time passes, I don't think I could ever pull off.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Team Bella

Over Christmas my father had decided that he was neither Team Edward or Team Jacob. Instead he would be Team Bella. I tried to argue that there really shouldn't be a team Bella because we all know that Bella gets everything she wants in the end any way. Selfish Be-otch. (Jealous much?) However he insists that he is team Bella.
Proud Member

Now as much as I would like to say that there isn't  a Team Bella. Apparently I have to concede to my Dad. I have a hard time listening to my dad on subject such as this because he has a long history of being out of the loop on these subjects. For years he wore a tee shirts from hot topic and cut off sweatpants. These look complimented his Magnum PI mustasche quite well.

My fathers Doppleganger (plus a few pounds)

After some extensive thought on the subject I have decided that, while there may be Team Bella. My father is is not on that team. Why, you may ask. One word; Wolverines.

"Now Sue, she would have made one hell of a wolf. Leah’s more of a wolverine"

Sound familiar? Well, my father is from a magical place called Weiser. Home of the Fighting Wolverines.

Population in 1970; 4,108.

4,107 once my Dad left to go Central Oregon Community College in Bend, Oregon. Or as Dad calls it; COCC. (I am not making this up).

So I'm sorry, dear old Dad, but it would appear that you are in fact Team Leah.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

A day too late, but love all the same.

I am the world’s biggest procrastinator. As my mother likes to say "You work with your buns against the blade." Charming image, I know. After a long day of doing absolutely nothing at home the Mr. and I went to see Valentine’s Day. As is expected it was a cute predictable romantic comedy. (With the exception of the Bradley Cooper/Eric Dane scene....That was wonderful) Watching the scenes with Swiftner brought me back to when I first started dating R.

It was a mere two months before graduation. I needed a date for prom and as a friend I asked him. I thought he was cute and funny and smart. I didn't expect what would happen. Between April 9th and May 11th I fell completely in love with him. Insanely in love. Every time I saw him my stomach would do back flips and I couldn't help but smile. The first time he said the words I was in Victoria, BC on a choir trip. He was high on pain meds from getting all his wisdom teeth out. I didn't think he remembered it and I was too scared to bring it up. It was weeks later when we finally said it. (Sober) In August R had to go to Phoenix for school. Even though we had only been together for five months, I agreed to move down there with him.

This is the part of my story that I tell people this; if I heard of an eighteen year old girl moving to another state with her boyfriend after only dating for five months, I would say they are crazy and foolish. But the truth of the matter is, when it's right you just know. I never doubted that I was making the right choice. I knew that R was the one right away. I would have gone anywhere with him. I have never doubted how much I love him and to this day (eight years later) he still gives me butterflies.

It isn't an exciting tale. There are no vampires or werewolves. But in my opinion, first love is the most exciting feeling out there. And really the saga isn't about the supernatural creatures. It’s about love. It's about knowing deep down, when you have found the right one. It's about how love is the most exhilarating feeling ever. It's about how it can scare you to the tips of your fingers to know that giving yourself completely to another person is the most harrowing experience ever. When I was young I thought that love was for the weak. For people who needed someone to rely on. Now I know that love, real love is for the strong. You have to have an insane amount of strength to love someone completely. In the entire saga the part that strikes me the most is this.

"One thing I truly knew—knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest—was how love gave someone the power to break you."

Happy day after Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Just Passing through

So Mr. Sorrow and I will be journeying the few hours it takes to get to the Kalaloch Lodge for Valentines Day. As some don't tknow Kalaloch is located about a half hour from the promise land AKA Forks. Last time we went in August I got into it with the Hubby. (He's a mechanic) It went something like this.

Sorrow-Let me know if you see my boyfriend. He's waiting for me in these woods.

Mr.-Edward Cullen isn't here

Sorrow-Why would you say that? Thats just mean.

Mr.-And more importantly Edward Cullen couldn't fix your car.

(Deciding to let it go....) Me-You're right sweetie. He couldn't.

Lies! Bold faced lies. Everone knows that Edward Cullen could fix anything. He's perfect for gods sake. Later I'm retelling the story to Cantante and she straight faced says.

Maybe, but Jacob could.

And that bitches is why she is my best friend.

Search This Blog

Who am I?

My photo
Pacific Northwest, WA, United States
The (Somewhat) true tales of twenty something northwest woman obsessed with Twilight, Pageants and various shallow things.

The Countdown has begun...

What am I doing here?

Beware of some mature content in here. You've been warned.

This is just the rantings of a woman who is slightly crazy. Obviously I am a bit narcissistic. I have obsessive tendencies toward a multitude of teenage directed materials. I should grow up already-but alas, here I am.


My Blog List