Some love for my fellow bloggers

If you do not know about Kaleb Nation, you may as well have been living under a rock. He is the hysterical author behind Twilight Guy as well as being the author of Bran Hambric-The Farfield Curse. He also is the creator of some great images including this one.

He read through the saga, writing up his thoughts on each chapter. If you haven't checked it out yet (and if you haven't where have you been?) Do so right now. (Actually read this post, then comment, then go.)

I have been slihgtly neglectful with my love for the saga. Sure I've reading my blogs, faithfully everyday I'm on Twitarded and LTT, quietly lurking on them.

However I can't resist posting this video because it has my favorite girl, Nikki Reed being interviewed by Kaleb Nation.

Man Candy

Let me preface this by saying that I have never seen all of My Own Private Idaho. I have seen portions. I remember that Matt Dillon is in it. Was Kevin Bacon in it? If so then they would have be reunited in Wild Things which is the first lesbian kiss I had seen and the first movie I ever saw a shlong. (and it had to be the Bacon's didn't it?)*

No I haven't seen all of MOPI, (shortened because I'm lazy) but I do know this, there is a gay plot line. And because of the gay plot line I have heard on several occasions that MOPI is slang for a gay man or at least a homo erotic moment. Before there was the term "Brokebackian" the was My Own Private Idaho. Though something tells me that Brokeback Mountain was a little more forthcoming on the man on man candy scenes.

I brought the idea of this term to my father who is Idahoan. (Seriously spell check, that's how you spell it? Okay…) I delightfully informed him that the Term My Own Private Idaho is one that references young gay men. He thought it was quite funny and proceeded to call up several of his friends in Idaho to tell them. I haven't heard if they think it's as funny as he did.

Mr. plays a game online, some space shoot 'em game. On the game they have an erotica board where people post pictures of women in bikinis on top of cars. Recently someone has been posting shirtless pictures of Cristian Renaldo on there. While I find this very funny and slight tantalizing, Mr. is extremely put off by this. I tried to remind him that it is a Erotica board and that not everyone's definition of erotica is a tanorexic woman in dental floss straddling a GTO. I think all he heard was straddling….

*[Fuck...So neither Matt Dillion nor Kevin Bacon were in MOPI. So apparently I am just talking out my ass and didn't pay attention at all. Sorry Gus! Well, I stand by my shlong comment. Not cool Bacon, still not cool.]

The definition of déjà vu…

 I am a totally Movie Junkie. I recently was berating a coworker for never seeing Crybaby. (one of my favorite movies of all time.) But then I realized there are so many movies that have impacted our culture that I have never seen. 

So I set off on a necessary path to righteousness, or at least to see Pretty in Pink. I loved the Breakfast Club and have always held a little flame for Emilio Estevez since Mighty Ducks fame. (Pacey Whitter! Hello!) But the biggest surprise about PIP is not the monstrocity that was Molly Ringwald's prom dress. ( I get it, she was an individual who was fashion forward and everyone else just didn't get it. Nevertheless, that dress was fucking ugly.)

No, the biggest surprise was seeing James Spader in his younger years. I am not a huge fan of his, honestly I've seen him in a few movies but forget what they are after viewing them. It's like that, with one big exception.

Secretary.

One scoop of creamed potatoes. A slice of butter. Four peas. Ah, dinner never sounded so sexy.

 

Oh Dear Lord, how much do I love this movie! The chemistry between Spader and Gyllenhal is electric. They are both such fucked up individuals who find each other. I know that some people might be turned off my Sub/Dom relationships and it certainly isn't the Notebook class love story. But when you look past the fact that they are brought together by subversive means; it is a real love story. It's about how people can hold others at arm's length at times and how love can help us want to be better people, with spankings— And carrots— and riding crops.

Watching this movie also made me realize how many movies are out there that I haven't yet seen. Including Reality Bites. You know the movie about laissez faire twenty something's trying to find their way. It has Winona before she got all sticky fingers, Ben Stiller looking super young and yuppyish, Steve Zahn who was recently quoted in Rolling Stone to saying "if you google Steve Zahn's ass you'll get like 10 images." (and of course now I can't find the link to save my life...) and  Janeane Garofalo before…well before she disappeared, I guess.



Speaking of her— I totally though that she was the voice of Daria, you know the cartoon that was on MTV in the late 90's? Or was it early 2000's? Who knows…

Any ways watching the movie I couldn't help but think about how handsome that Ethan Hawke was. He was so perfect in the movie as the brooding, Kurt Cobain wanna be. It was adorable even when he was being a huge douche and singing that Violent Femmes song; Add it up. (Which totally won me over—I love that song)

I look at your pants and I need a kiss. 

"What do we want? Patience! When do we want it? Now!**

Do you remember when you were a child and you had to wait sooooo soooo long for things like Christmas or birthdays or the anniversary of your first bird dying.

(We had a lot of dead parakeets in my home...but that is another post for another time...Also did you know that Budgies and parakeets are the same thing, just English slang according to my Harry Potter Website. I was always imagining a squirrel when some one said Budgies.)

Buffy the Budgie (David Boreanaz not included)

When I was younger I was obsessed with Jewel. The singer. The one with the funky teeth and yodeling voice. The one who wrote a poem about mustard in the refrigerator. (Yes I still remember- it's the important things that stick out to me.)


On her album Spirit she had a song at the very end that she sang with her mother. It was a lullaby that they would sing when Jewel was a child. To listen to this track you had to listen through three whole minutes of white noise before the song started.



Don’t say I was patient at some point. But now, alas I am not. I am a very spontaneous person and have been known to go out and chop off all my hair.

Well Sinead O'Rebellion. Shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior.

We have grown too used to getting everything right now. And this whole Twilight obsession hasn't helped me at all. Before New Moon came out I was inundated with pictures and videos and sound clips. (They're not Bears) It was a twi-overdose. It was to the point when I was carped out dreaming of boys with keg bellies and grandpa tweed...

Now there has been news that they will be reshooting some pivotal scenes for Eclipse. I hope to holy Hell that they don't push back the release date because if they do, I swear I will go absolutely ballistic. There is no punishment that will compare to the wrath I shall inflict on...Oh right like I could do anything...Shit.

Whatever. I'll be sending out serious passive aggressive vibes as I wear my Team Edward Shirt, with my twi-bracelet and my twi-scarf and my twi-necklace as I drive in my car with a Be Safe sticker on the back.

So watch it Summit. Cause this Bitch means business!

I typed in crazy and this was the first thing to pop up. I love it.

**Credit to Al Franken

I wish I had more gay friends

It seems to me that there is a world out there of gay men that I haven't quite infiltrated. The idea of being a fag hag has a glamorous vibe to it. I don’t know why, I think I just want it because I’m on the outside looking in. Let’s face it, try as I might I will never be a gay man. But I love anything that has to do with gay men. And I love, Love, love Margaret Cho….She is responsible for the line I use more often than any other to reference about a break up.




“I love you…but I’m not in Love with you….and you pee blood so later!”

I hope the aliens never come to get me.

Last night I was sitting in my disco tub with the Mr., drinking wine and looking up at the stars. Very romantic, I know. Now, a few days ago Mr. swears that he saw an UFO. Of course me being a fuck-tard, had to start asking him about Aliens. As in Extraterrestrials...as in martians…as in little green men as in…okay, I have no more names for them. I am undecided as to my thoughts on whether or not there are in fact aliens. On one hand it seems like the universe is very expansive and there would be some sort of higher being out there. On the other hand, I’m human, selfish, narcissistic and a bit of a douche bundle. Ergo; I am the highest being any where. Plus I’m American which means that there is no one more fantastic than me…Just ask me.

Although my theories on Aliens are not entirely formed. I have a huge fear of them. If in fact they are real, I have no doubt that they would kidnap me and torture me with things like the Macarena and anal beads bought at your local Castles…(Hey, they’d be investigating our lives, could you blame them?...Not that either one is my life…Fuck…)

Jousting set not included

The Mr. tried to explain why I should be afraid of the visitors from space because the chances of them being sadistic are low. Because friendly aliens are every where.



So, I am terrified by aliens. Ghosts not so much. The basic theories behind ghosts are that they at some point were human, like me. So on some level I’m sure I could related to them, although of course there would be that one asshole ghost who is like that guy at your Halloween party who dresses up as a cowboy, grabs his balls frequently and tries to explain the perks of fucking “a dandy donkey.”

She is really funny too!

But for the most part the ghosts would be fairly nice. With the obvious exception of the psychopathic ghosts. About 0.1 % of the Earths population is psychopaths. We're talking worse than your run of the mill Sebastian Valmount; no were talking Jame Gumb, starving women to wear their skins.

I reason that if the earthly realm has that many, that the ghost world would too. So I will take my chances, that I may some day run into a sociopathic ghost hell bent on killing me. Because that seems better than ET.

Get the fuck away from me!

Some witty title about country music

Is it just me or does the cute member of Rascall Flatts have mad gay face? I don't think he could be gay, because I'm pretty sure he married a super model or a stripper or something like that*. I don't remember…

Jo Don Rooney, I wish I could say I made that name up.

There was a point that I loved country music. My friends and I used to cruise around listening to Kenny Chesney at top volume. I dreamed of Tim McGraw and had a major girl crush on Faith Hill. I even went to see Rascall Flatts at the Tacoma Dome in 2005. Their song "I'm moving on" was a huge motivator in deciding to move down to Arizona with my husband. I enjoy partaking in the simpler things. Every summer we go out on the lake, drink Coors Light and burn to a crispy fuchsia.

This picture was taken after two bottles of gas station champagne and a smushed ham sandwich.

But around the time of the Dixie Chicks Top of the World controversy, I stopped liking it. I blame Toby Keith. He totally turned country music off to me. Now when I listen to country all I can think of is that man making comments about the Dixie Chicks (Who transcend country music) accusing them of being unpatriotic and even traitors for speaking their minds? I had thought that music could bring people together but apparently in some circles, country music is a good ol' boys game. It makes me sad.


[*just found out his wife was a playmate…and they named their son Jagger]

Funny Video

So I love Jimmy Fallon. "Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart-Ichabod Crane called he wants his hair style back..." But mostly because he started a campaign to have the cast of Saved by the Bell reunite. I used to love that show and had the biggest crush on Zach Morris. Plus Jimmy played beer pong with Rose from Golden Girls.

The original Gangster

 

So, just imagine my delight when I saw that Rob made an appearance on the short "Robert is Bothered" It's always nice when a star is able to poke fun at themselves. Also I think in this video, Jimmy makes a better Rob than Rob does. I love you sweetie but you need to play it cool if you want any chance with me. All I'm saying!

Samoas are yummy

So, it's my birthday. I've found that once you reach a certain age; i.e. anything above 21, birthdays aren't too exciting. You still have to work; you don't get to buy an excessive amount of scratch tickets and cans of Copenhagen for your father. You don't get to wear a velvet dress anymore. (Side note—I totally had one too. And I was a hottie in it, but I digress.) You don't get a piñata or tickets to visit your neglectful mother in Florida. You don't get attacked by a hot guy with a bad toupee. You can't try to seduce your cold skinned boyfriend who is protecting his "virtue" whatever the fuck that is…You don't get dream catchers from muscled boys who speak basic Spanish. Oh wait. That wouldn't happen to me at all...

Do I need to knock a bitch out to wear velvet again?

Instead, I have to work, which is fine I suppose. I have gotten some pretty sweeet presents including a wilted daffodil and dollar store lotion. Ah, the perks of teaching two year olds...At least I get to gorge myself on Girl Scout cookies.

See even Rob likes them. He wants me to have a happy birthday...

So to be as narcissistic as I am. Happy Birthday to Me!

Bedazzling debacle

Because I am the most selfless person there has ever been, I have offered to journey the two hours, to go to Forks to purchase Twilight related items for a Twilight basket for the pageant. A regular olds saints I know.

Only for the sake of the program shall I endure this...

So on valentines day weekend R and I stayed up in Kalaloch to spend a little quality time together. Of course it was romantic and sweet and WE DROVE THROUGH FORKS!  So on the way there I had the following conversation with my husband.

R- So are you going to make me go to the twilight store.

Me-You don't have to come in, You can just wait in the car.

R-No I'll come in to....Whats it called Bedazzled by twilight.

Me-Dazzled, it's dazzled by Twilight.

R-Yeah, Bedazzled, like i said.

Me-Edward Cullen does bedazzle, Bedazzling is dumb,

R- So is Twilight

Jerk. Like he was implying that Edward Cullen looked like some Douche dressed like Andrew Dice Clay.

 

An accusation that I find very insulting. Of course There is no way the perfection that is Edward Cullen or more importantly Rob would be, well, bedazzled.

Dazzled on the other hand....

Frequently

When I was planning my wedding i frequented a forum on the Knot called Not Engaged Yet. Why there is even a forum for such a topic I'm not sure, but I assure you that the majority of the women on that frequented the site were married and bitchy. While it was fun to watch them get in arguments over what was tackier; heart shaped diamonds or regisrty cards in invitaions. Seriously. And they would torture any girl who would cluelessly wander in looking for advice on how to make her boyfriend propose. The thing that remains with me the most was that they talked  about bedazzling the vay jay jay. Yep, the Vay Jay Jay. The elusive ya.

Grammar Phonic electronic disco baby

Exactly what I would do. I'm a snatch like that.

At work I am well know as being that twat who goes around correcting grammatical mistakes. Like a ninja, I sneak around and change there to they're. I correct alot to a lot. It is a well known fact, I try to hold my tongue but I can't handle it when mistakes like these are being made. Plus we're teachers. We are in charge of the future of America and some of us don't know the difference between your and you're. That being said I can't for the life of me, spell weird right. (or is it wierd...I should only say odd from now on.) or spell separate. FYI when I went to spellcheck this Word wanted Separate to be Penetrate. Awesome.

I have a story published on Twilighted. It's called Runaway (Pimp out). I have had some issues as of late regarding getting it published because apparently i suck at punctuation. While most constructive criticism I take well, this was hard to deal with. Me? I have never made a punctuation mistake. (I realize how many there are in this post alone.) I'm the girl who actually got a "get out of jail free" card in English because I corrected something SHE wrote. True story. So I have trouble digesting the idea that my story needs work because of punctuation. Luckily my beta is fabulous and basically has been whispering sweet nothings to me for the past few days so that I don't throw my lap top off a bridge.

Team Bella

Over Christmas my father had decided that he was neither Team Edward or Team Jacob. Instead he would be Team Bella. I tried to argue that there really shouldn't be a team Bella because we all know that Bella gets everything she wants in the end any way. Selfish Be-otch. (Jealous much?) However he insists that he is team Bella.

Proud Member

Now as much as I would like to say that there isn't  a Team Bella. Apparently I have to concede to my Dad. I have a hard time listening to my dad on subject such as this because he has a long history of being out of the loop on these subjects. For years he wore a tee shirts from hot topic and cut off sweatpants. These look complimented his Magnum PI mustasche quite well.

My fathers Doppleganger (plus a few pounds)

After some extensive thought on the subject I have decided that, while there may be Team Bella. My father is is not on that team. Why, you may ask. One word; Wolverines.

"Now Sue, she would have made one hell of a wolf. Leah’s more of a wolverine"

Sound familiar? Well, my father is from a magical place called Weiser. Home of the Fighting Wolverines.

Population in 1970; 4,108.

4,107 once my Dad left to go Central Oregon Community College in Bend, Oregon. Or as Dad calls it; COCC. (I am not making this up).

So I'm sorry, dear old Dad, but it would appear that you are in fact Team Leah.