Way to creep everyone out there….

I am obsessed with true crimes. Especially ones that involve serial killers. I love serial killers—not in a killer groupies, marriage in a prison chapel way. (He hasn't returned my letter.) No I'm simply fascinated about the psychosis behind a killers mind. What drives them to kill and how a person can look so normal and be burying young boys under his house ala John Wayne Gacy. In the Pacific Northwest we have a lot of serial killers; Robert Lee Yates, Gary Ridgeway. Kenneth Bianchi was convicted of the murder of two girl in Bellingham. My sister, Toby Tyler actually lived in Ted Bundy's house in the U-district of Seattle. I devour books about true crimes. I have read almost every book Ann Rule has ever written and obsessively watch shows like American Justice and City Confidential. A few years ago Mr.'s parents got me Time Life's collection of True crime stories. I religiously watch CSI, (Except Miami—I want to go Gracie Lou Freebush on his ass.)

Mr. always jokes with his friends that if he goes missing they should question me first and I'm all Hello! One, the spouse is always the first to be interrogated and two, I would totally get away with it.

Okay, so I've officially hit an all time creepiness factor here. I think it's time for me to shut up.

I hope the aliens never come to get me.

Last night I was sitting in my disco tub with the Mr., drinking wine and looking up at the stars. Very romantic, I know. Now, a few days ago Mr. swears that he saw an UFO. Of course me being a fuck-tard, had to start asking him about Aliens. As in Extraterrestrials...as in martians…as in little green men as in…okay, I have no more names for them. I am undecided as to my thoughts on whether or not there are in fact aliens. On one hand it seems like the universe is very expansive and there would be some sort of higher being out there. On the other hand, I’m human, selfish, narcissistic and a bit of a douche bundle. Ergo; I am the highest being any where. Plus I’m American which means that there is no one more fantastic than me…Just ask me.

Although my theories on Aliens are not entirely formed. I have a huge fear of them. If in fact they are real, I have no doubt that they would kidnap me and torture me with things like the Macarena and anal beads bought at your local Castles…(Hey, they’d be investigating our lives, could you blame them?...Not that either one is my life…Fuck…)

Jousting set not included

The Mr. tried to explain why I should be afraid of the visitors from space because the chances of them being sadistic are low. Because friendly aliens are every where.



So, I am terrified by aliens. Ghosts not so much. The basic theories behind ghosts are that they at some point were human, like me. So on some level I’m sure I could related to them, although of course there would be that one asshole ghost who is like that guy at your Halloween party who dresses up as a cowboy, grabs his balls frequently and tries to explain the perks of fucking “a dandy donkey.”

She is really funny too!

But for the most part the ghosts would be fairly nice. With the obvious exception of the psychopathic ghosts. About 0.1 % of the Earths population is psychopaths. We're talking worse than your run of the mill Sebastian Valmount; no were talking Jame Gumb, starving women to wear their skins.

I reason that if the earthly realm has that many, that the ghost world would too. So I will take my chances, that I may some day run into a sociopathic ghost hell bent on killing me. Because that seems better than ET.

Get the fuck away from me!

Some witty title about country music

Is it just me or does the cute member of Rascall Flatts have mad gay face? I don't think he could be gay, because I'm pretty sure he married a super model or a stripper or something like that*. I don't remember…

Jo Don Rooney, I wish I could say I made that name up.

There was a point that I loved country music. My friends and I used to cruise around listening to Kenny Chesney at top volume. I dreamed of Tim McGraw and had a major girl crush on Faith Hill. I even went to see Rascall Flatts at the Tacoma Dome in 2005. Their song "I'm moving on" was a huge motivator in deciding to move down to Arizona with my husband. I enjoy partaking in the simpler things. Every summer we go out on the lake, drink Coors Light and burn to a crispy fuchsia.

This picture was taken after two bottles of gas station champagne and a smushed ham sandwich.

But around the time of the Dixie Chicks Top of the World controversy, I stopped liking it. I blame Toby Keith. He totally turned country music off to me. Now when I listen to country all I can think of is that man making comments about the Dixie Chicks (Who transcend country music) accusing them of being unpatriotic and even traitors for speaking their minds? I had thought that music could bring people together but apparently in some circles, country music is a good ol' boys game. It makes me sad.


[*just found out his wife was a playmate…and they named their son Jagger]

Bedazzling debacle

Because I am the most selfless person there has ever been, I have offered to journey the two hours, to go to Forks to purchase Twilight related items for a Twilight basket for the pageant. A regular olds saints I know.

Only for the sake of the program shall I endure this...

So on valentines day weekend R and I stayed up in Kalaloch to spend a little quality time together. Of course it was romantic and sweet and WE DROVE THROUGH FORKS!  So on the way there I had the following conversation with my husband.

R- So are you going to make me go to the twilight store.

Me-You don't have to come in, You can just wait in the car.

R-No I'll come in to....Whats it called Bedazzled by twilight.

Me-Dazzled, it's dazzled by Twilight.

R-Yeah, Bedazzled, like i said.

Me-Edward Cullen does bedazzle, Bedazzling is dumb,

R- So is Twilight

Jerk. Like he was implying that Edward Cullen looked like some Douche dressed like Andrew Dice Clay.

 

An accusation that I find very insulting. Of course There is no way the perfection that is Edward Cullen or more importantly Rob would be, well, bedazzled.

Dazzled on the other hand....

Frequently

When I was planning my wedding i frequented a forum on the Knot called Not Engaged Yet. Why there is even a forum for such a topic I'm not sure, but I assure you that the majority of the women on that frequented the site were married and bitchy. While it was fun to watch them get in arguments over what was tackier; heart shaped diamonds or regisrty cards in invitaions. Seriously. And they would torture any girl who would cluelessly wander in looking for advice on how to make her boyfriend propose. The thing that remains with me the most was that they talked  about bedazzling the vay jay jay. Yep, the Vay Jay Jay. The elusive ya.

A day too late, but love all the same.

I am the world’s biggest procrastinator. As my mother likes to say "You work with your buns against the blade." Charming image, I know. After a long day of doing absolutely nothing at home the Mr. and I went to see Valentine’s Day. As is expected it was a cute predictable romantic comedy. (With the exception of the Bradley Cooper/Eric Dane scene....That was wonderful) Watching the scenes with Swiftner brought me back to when I first started dating R.




It was a mere two months before graduation. I needed a date for prom and as a friend I asked him. I thought he was cute and funny and smart. I didn't expect what would happen. Between April 9th and May 11th I fell completely in love with him. Insanely in love. Every time I saw him my stomach would do back flips and I couldn't help but smile. The first time he said the words I was in Victoria, BC on a choir trip. He was high on pain meds from getting all his wisdom teeth out. I didn't think he remembered it and I was too scared to bring it up. It was weeks later when we finally said it. (Sober) In August R had to go to Phoenix for school. Even though we had only been together for five months, I agreed to move down there with him.



This is the part of my story that I tell people this; if I heard of an eighteen year old girl moving to another state with her boyfriend after only dating for five months, I would say they are crazy and foolish. But the truth of the matter is, when it's right you just know. I never doubted that I was making the right choice. I knew that R was the one right away. I would have gone anywhere with him. I have never doubted how much I love him and to this day (eight years later) he still gives me butterflies.



It isn't an exciting tale. There are no vampires or werewolves. But in my opinion, first love is the most exciting feeling out there. And really the saga isn't about the supernatural creatures. It’s about love. It's about knowing deep down, when you have found the right one. It's about how love is the most exhilarating feeling ever. It's about how it can scare you to the tips of your fingers to know that giving yourself completely to another person is the most harrowing experience ever. When I was young I thought that love was for the weak. For people who needed someone to rely on. Now I know that love, real love is for the strong. You have to have an insane amount of strength to love someone completely. In the entire saga the part that strikes me the most is this.



"One thing I truly knew—knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest—was how love gave someone the power to break you."

Happy day after Valentine's Day!

Just Passing through

So Mr. Sorrow and I will be journeying the few hours it takes to get to the Kalaloch Lodge for Valentines Day. As some don't tknow Kalaloch is located about a half hour from the promise land AKA Forks. Last time we went in August I got into it with the Hubby. (He's a mechanic) It went something like this.

Sorrow-Let me know if you see my boyfriend. He's waiting for me in these woods.

Mr.-Edward Cullen isn't here

Sorrow-Why would you say that? Thats just mean.

Mr.-And more importantly Edward Cullen couldn't fix your car.

(Deciding to let it go....) Me-You're right sweetie. He couldn't.

Lies! Bold faced lies. Everone knows that Edward Cullen could fix anything. He's perfect for gods sake. Later I'm retelling the story to Cantante and she straight faced says.

Maybe, but Jacob could.

And that bitches is why she is my best friend.